by Jeffrey Fishman
Before you started this school year, you probably went to an office supply store to buy your school supplies. It most likely only took you about twenty minutes to pick up the few pencils, pens, notebooks, and folders that you needed. Then, after you finished your speedy shopping session, your mom undoubtedly said something along the lines of, “It’s so much easier to go school supplies shopping now that you’re older,” and she was probably correct. Looking back on your elementary school days, you remember school supplies shopping for hours on end searching for stupid items that you would never end up using in class. As we celebrate the easiness of high school supplies shopping, let’s take a look back at those awesome items that we begged our parents for almost a decade ago.
- Fun Shaped Erasers – From hamburgers and French fries, to rubber ducks and pink penguins, I’m sure you at least owned one of these fancy erasers. They were probably hidden deep in your desk and never used. The only real reason to take them out was to make the other kids jealous or to have something to play with secretly.
- Stackable Pencils – When you saw these in the store, you probably thought they would never run out of lead. Then, when you brought one of the pencils to school, and lost one of the pieces on your first day, you realized it was now completely useless.
- 10 in 1 Pens – Basically, the only purpose of pens in elementary school was for grading spelling tests. With the 10 in 1 special pen, even if your grade wasn’t the best, you could at least have a quiz that looked like a rainbow.
- Giant Pencils – At first these probably seemed like the best idea ever. Then, you realized how heavy and thick they were, and that it was almost impossible to write with them. After some usage, your pencil got dull, and you realized there was no way this thing was going to fit into a pencil sharpener.
- Cool Individual Pencil Sharpeners – I’ll be honest. I had one that made the pencil go “digging for gold” inside of a giant nose. We all remember when the lead would get stuck, jamming and breaking the sharpener. Why didn’t we just walk the ten feet to the teacher’s electric pencil sharpener?
- 64 Box of Crayola Crayons – How could you survive without all of those colors, such as mac and cheese and robin’s egg? Your drawings of stick figures and colorful blobs would never have looked realistic.
- Scented Markers – I can still smell the burnt marshmallow like it was yesterday. Everybody wanted their papers to have delicious scents. You probably pretended to do work when in actuality, you were sniffing the markers until your nose was numb.
- Twistables Crayola Colored Pencils – Twist, twist, twist, snap! Nobody could resist the urge to twist these colored pencils as far as they could go. Unfortunately, this almost guaranteed a broken pencil.
- Foohy Monkey Head Erasers – For the first week of using these erasers, they made the pencil heavy, but they worked well and seemed like they would last forever. Then, as soon as the monkeys lost the tips of their heads, you’d try to erase one letter, and end up erasing an entire word.
- Overly Expensive Mechanical Pencils – I probably wasted too much money on Cadoozles mechanical pencils, but back then, they just seemed to write so much better.
- Pencil Grips – All that I remember about these is that they never actually fit to the shape of my hand. Sadly, it would then take me the rest of the day to remove the pesky, rubbery grip from my pencil.
- Rubber Animal Pencil Toppers – When you put these on your pencils you probably thought they were so cute. Then, you tried to erase. Stupid rubber!
- Cool Flash Drives – Who needed actual storage media when your flash drive could look like a skateboard or an animal? We literally only used our flash drives one time per year anyway.
- Bubble Calculators – The buttons on these things were so fun to press. However, after about a week, either your calculator’s buttons would no longer work, or there would be a giant hole through one of the numbers.
- Flexible Rulers – Sure these were fun to play with, but by the time you actually needed to draw a straight line, your ruler was useless. At least you could coil them up and watch them slowly unwind.
- Boy Band Folders – Don’t lie girls. We all know that you had these. You probably spent hours looking at One Direction and the Jonas Brothers in dreamy 2D folder form. Maybe you even gave them a smooch.
- Pencil Top Erasers – You probably didn’t think you were cool for having these, but you did feel pretty awesome when you got them to suction cup to your face. Your friends were always super jealous.
I hope these awesome school supplies reminded you of your elementary school days. The nostalgia probably whisked you away to the stress free world of your childhood, wishing that you could spend just one more day as a Maple Glen Chipmunk or a Jarrettown Dragon. However, even though high school is a tad harder than elementary school, just try your best and enjoy the freedom of being an Upper Dublin Cardinal. Good luck with the new year and I hope everyone had an amazing summer!